I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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