Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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