He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
