please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
