wrigley field is MILF paradise
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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