Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
