They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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