oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
