Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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