smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
