my mouth tastes like poor choices
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
