:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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