Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
