wakey wakey hands off snakey
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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