And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
where are you?
Hypothermia
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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