i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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