i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize