Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
