I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
