There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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