OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
