In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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