i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
