and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
