Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
