so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!