so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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