The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
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dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
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I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.