I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.