peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.