I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
