You smell like stripper and shame
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
