That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
