i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
