There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
