Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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