Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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