Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize