evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
