Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
