I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
