I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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