Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
