I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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