Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
wanna go halves on a baby?
Non-Jews are for practice
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
