He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
