my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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