your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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