i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
