I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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