I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
