May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
