K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
