with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
pop tarts are not kleenex
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
