my mouth tastes like poor choices
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
