Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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