I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
