I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
