Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
