RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
