Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
where are my eyebrows?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
