Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
