That's when you crack a 10am beer
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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