I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
