Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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