You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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