I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
