Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
